Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
