You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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