I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Houston, we have a blender
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
