Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
i now understand why vodka
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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