I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize