I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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