Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My vagina just recognized that song.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
