He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
