i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
