At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
if only i could text you this smell
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize