i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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