i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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