I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
