But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
