he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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