Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
