In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
