to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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