Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
