I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
