you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
