She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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