I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
