Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
