Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
