peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
