Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
