You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
