it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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