Your dad touched me again.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
