hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The air was thick with penises
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
