He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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