Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
