I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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