Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
