I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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