The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize