he wants to bone in the snuggie
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
