If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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