I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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