My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
