I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
