yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
