1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize