Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
