I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
