Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
