oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
