she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
