Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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