I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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