Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
