it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
