Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
