woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
