Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My cat gives me a boner
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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