Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
