Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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