I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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