Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
