I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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