She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
