I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
