I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
