Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
