People with herpes should wear stickers.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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