Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
cat food counts as protein by the way
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
