Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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