Umm I'm too high to move.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
