Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Randomize
