The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Alive.
So much puke
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
