Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
