watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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