i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
