Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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