I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
