why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize