Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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