If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
