can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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