I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
And my parents said I crawled through the house
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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