Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Randomize
