shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
