i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
