They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
