I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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