Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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