Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
