just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
