I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
