Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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