how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
