wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
