I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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