he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
