non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
