I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
