i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
