weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
me + whiskey = a bad person
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize